UPDATED: Ouchy.

The online quiz I took last night verified what I've been fearing since I left the halls of H-town High: I'm clinically depressed. Not that I didn't already know that. Who in their right, nondepressed mind takes a depression test unless they really feel as though they are depressed? And here is where I insert one of my favorite quotes about mankind, "I think, therefore I am."

A lot of people misconstrue this quote as some sort of motivational mantra...almost like the little engine who could. "I think I can" is not the same as "I think, therefore I am." It's really more of a common sense quote that could answer most of our questions about life. "Will I be a good parent?" Well, if you're worried enough to ask, then you probably will be. "Do I have depression?" Well, if you're taking online quizzes in order to verify what you already know, then yes, you're probably depressed. See how that works? Descartes was more worried about his existence, but it works for depression, too.

I've been researching all morning how to proceed after diagnosing  yourself with depression, and the consensus is that I should definitely see my doctor. The problem with seeing a doc for depression is this: when your depressed, it's hard to admit that you have such a weakness. (In my eyes, depression is a flaw, and I don't like to admit my flaws.) My sweet and caring husband would kindly remind me that a lot of people suffer from depression, and it is more common in women. All of which I know to be true, but my depressed brain just berates itself for becoming a fucking statistic. "Oh, your daddy doesn't love you? Your an over-priveliged white girl having a bad day? Your bills are paid and your dog is happy and you still want to cry?" I want to punch myself for even thinking I'm depressed.

Wanting to punch yourself is probably another good sign that you're depressed.
I have officially convinced myself to call the doctor.


UPDATED:

I still haven't called the doctor. I'm doing this new thing where I just don't get mad. It's working so far. We will see.

Has it been a whole year?!

It has been officially one year and seven days since my last post, and I have to tell you guys, I am pretty disappointed.

I started this blog as a way for me to vent about the parts of life that really confuse and bewilder me, and instead I have abandoned it like so many other unfinished projects. My dream journal has one dream in it, my painting supplies are covered in dust, my quilts from high school got tossed out in pieces, my bum is still flabby from not working out, and now I can't even find time to write??

I am losing it, you guys.

But, here I am, sitting at my desk after hours, ticking away at the keyboard because I'm dying to write something, anything! So, I will begin with what inspired me to start back on this project today: thebloggess.

My friend H and I drove 3 1/2 hours last night to see Jenny Lawson, hear her read an excerpt from her book and get a signed copy. She is such an amazing individual. After all she has been through, all she has accomplished and all the entertaining stories she has to tell, she is still just a normal weirdo with an itch to write and laugh like the rest of us.

I am beginning her book today. Maybe I'll do a chapter-by-chapter commentary. Yeah, that sounds fun.

UPDATED: Obviously I did not do a chapter-by-chapter commentary. But if I did, it would have just been pictures of me laughing. A LOT.

Oh, also, I fail and forgot to include a link to the book: Let's Pretend This Never Happened. Go. Read. Laugh.